i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
