I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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