Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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