The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
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Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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