There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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