There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
