Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
