you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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