Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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