apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
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Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
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Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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