just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
