The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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