don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
