You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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