I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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