mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
