Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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