hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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