His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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