I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
