He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
