So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
