its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
it glows. i had to have it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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