And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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