If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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