thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
