My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
