he wants to bone in the snuggie
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He did a backflip because drugs
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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