Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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