It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
