Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
