Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
