Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
