wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
