genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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