I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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