Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
