He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
