yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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