Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
