I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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