Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
