I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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