I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
