you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
