Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
