Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
