i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
