Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
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Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
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I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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