i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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