i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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