You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
