I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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