She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
