Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
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Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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