Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
