Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
