gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
