Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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