You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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