Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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